unstable, broken, hurt, shattered
by drizzlytidings-ninetales
Summary: Short one/four-shot about suicide. Don't kill yourself. There'll be at least someone who cares, and everyone has a future.


Short one/four-shot about suicide.

I made three OCs specially: Cherrystar, Snowbranch, Snakepaw and Crowstep. I'm sorry for the second-grade level vocabulary, but I wrote this to make a point.

**UNSTABLE (CHERRYSTAR): **

What the hell did I do?

I've caused destruction.

My Clan nearly fell because of me.

And I didn't mind.

I let it happen.

Worst of all…

Because of me, so many cats died.

Outside my notice.

I was so focused on my goal.

Even if I knew?

**I wouldn't have cared. **

Why did I do this?

_I chuckle softly._

**I don't know. **

Why should I live?

No reason.

My Clanmates forgave me.

But they shouldn't have.

**They don't deserve to carry around the burden of me. **

_I drag myself next to the river. I see my reflection. A pretty white and grey she-cat… With paws stained with red, and eyes filled with a depressed weight._

**I will die today.**

_It is a beautiful day. The sun shines on my pelt…_

And that won't stop me from killing myself.

_With a deep breath, I jump. _

I can swim…

**But I don't.**

**I drown.**

**I don't mind.**

_My body sinks to the bottom._

_My spirit is set free, floating through the river._

Well, not free. I cannot do anything.

**And for that, I am glad. **

**BROKEN (SNOWBRANCH): **

I've failed.

I've been turned down by Starclan.

There is no future ahead of me.

I'm so tired.

So scared.

So alone.

**Life is not worth living.**

I can't.

What is the point of life?

_I look at my mentor._

She's smart.

She was accepted.

**Unlike me. **

_All the other medicine cat apprentices stood._

I'm not smart like them.

I had to work twice as hard.

**Yet I only reached half as far.**

Death.

It welcomes me.

After all, there is nothing worth living.

**But there is Twistedcry…**

She needs you.

To brave the world.

_So I don't. At least, not today._

_Many moons later, I do. _

**Twistedcry is dead. **

**It is time.**

_I willingly plunge into the sand, digging myself a hole._

_I kick the sand._

_The sand falls. _

**I slowly suffocate, and I join Twistedcry in the abyss of death.**

**I'm dead. There is no future ahead of me.**

Not like there was before, anyway.

But I am still not free.

**HURT (SNAKEPAW) **

_I run towards the boundaries between Oasisclan and Abyssclan. _

It's time to see Lilypaw.

We've been meeting in secret over the course of a moon.

I love her.

And she loves me.

**Right?**

_I see her sitting on her haunches in front of a tree. _

_I run to her._

She looks worried.

She needs my help.

**No she doesn't. **

She's worried.

**But what she says breaks me. **

_I'm sorry, Snakepaw. _

_I can't do this anymore._

_We're in different clans, and it's been getting harder and harder to keep it secret._

_I'm calling it off._

_I'll miss you, but it's for our own good._

_I hope you find another she-cat._

**She doesn't love me.**

Without her, what's the point?

She won't miss me.

Might as well just kill myself and be done with it, be done with the heartbreak.

**Nobody in my clan loves me. **

**Lilypaw was the only reason I pulled through.**

But now my anchor has left me.

_And I'm going crazy._

_I know there is a cliff in Abyssclan. That's where I go._

I jump off.

**I feel a tiny bit of regret as I plummet down to my death.**

I know I'm close enough to the side of the cliff to save myself.

But there's not enough regret for me to bother trying.

My world has collapsed, so I take myself out of it.

**SHATTERED (CROWSTEP) **

I nearly drowned.

Nobody cared.

I'm still alive.

**But I would've drowned back then, if given a choice.**

**If I knew that nobody would try to save my water-drenched, flailing self.**

I saw that they were right there.

They could've helped.

**And they didn't notice.**

Nobody cared. Nobody noticed…

It's time.

Time to leave.

I've always wanted to leave.

I hate it here.

But I didn't because I thought at least someone might miss me.

**Now I know that isn't true. **

Crowstep.. Don't jump to conclusions. You'll break somecat's heart. Just because some of them didn't care or didn't notice, that doesn't mean nobody will.

_A tiny voice ripples through my head. I hear it, but I don't listen._

I've made my decision. I'll die tonight, just to see if someone cares.

**I bet they won't.**

_But deep down inside of me, I'm sure that someone will._

_I ignore this inkling, and walk towards a forest where I know there are snakes._

_I see one, hissing and slithering._

Before, I've always been scared of if a snake attacked me.

Now, I'm happier to see it then to see my own family.

_I stop, sitting in front of the snake._

_I beg it to bite me, to end my misery. _

_It complies._

**And I feel a slight bit of regret.**

Because, as said before, I know that somecat will miss me deep in my twisted heart.

But I'm happier this way.


End file.
